Inside a “Baniya’s” Family/Mind ! – MODERN INDIA or “MO” “DERN” India

If you are wondering what “Mo” and “Dern” mean here – you will know towards the END.

A lot of you know India, so I will not bore you with the same facts again. Let’s talk about these casts and all which exists there and in Particular “BANIYA”.

“Baniya” word normally is associated with business class /traders – people who are known to be typical experts in number game and money making/crunching activities. And guess what !

“BANIYA” – a very common term in India. Specially northern india.

They want a son to be born because that would be one of their “money crunching” future investment as well !

Yes you heard it right – they look at their son(if one is born) and spend on him so that they could cash it when the son gets married!

This is a very common thing in India and prevails in many communities and not only just “Baniya’s” even though I am writing about them because of many reasons!

So, Yes I am talking about how they can do a deal for their son – when he gets married with the girls family. The amount the deal can be done varies – qualification, a citizenship for a different country and much more !

The only other condition when they can leave the cash bit from the girls family is when she is extremely beautiful (rare but happens)! And no that’s not because the girl is beautiful- that’s because generally baniya men used to be average or below average looking (now times have changed and a Tony and Guy haircut and facials can change the person completely!! 😅) and because their own sons were average or below average looking – they wanted girls who are extremely beautiful (maybe someone like a Miss Universe or a world) so the future generations comes out decent looking.

By any mistake if the child goes on the mother and comes out beautiful ‘hey hey thats job well done for the son!

So this so called “Baniya” clan – are basically blessed with commercial minds (even while producing a child ) they have many characteristics that make them unique – yea in every way!

When they make biodata for their sons (who probably (surely drinks) And I mean Alcohol – they would call their son to be a ‘tea tottler’ ( That’s normally done, when they are arranging the marriage and that is what they the children are expected to do)

I mean for god sake! Why on earth would you say that ! And remember these are the same parents who told their children or slapped them when they lied to their own Parents – but yeah it’s ok to lie to the girls family and the society!

Just in anyway – the above can fit with a lot of people in India – but I am talking about Baniya’s because I grew up with them almost and even now I am surrounded by a lot – starting from best friends – to actually even being married in a Baniya family!(You guessed it right I wasn’t a Baniya before marriage – so the blood doesn’t yet flow in me) (Long story – and Bollywood type running away from the house type Marriage but let’s leave me out from here)

They are very strict on their balance sheets! Yea – they can die but would not leave the money. They themselves say a saying – “for us the interest is more attracting then the actual funds what we earn the interest on” !

I in No way am implying that it isnt a good practice to keep your finances in good order but only believing in “Money is Honey” – nah nah not good !

I was talking with a few couples in India and most of them are Baniya’s – (mainly Delhi -the north part – I think they really don’t know what a “healthy relationship” in a marriage is !) They are just there. I spoke to them individually, and yes they might be going on holidays, spending on lavish cars, there is no as such emotional availability for one another.

I mean take the above example – if one is only considering “Money as Honey” -the actual “honey” is just brought home to produce some children and take care of the family – oh yea and maybe some kitty parties. Getting to know xxx amount of relatives and sometimes the relatives are given a term just because they are our neighbour!

One of the woman I spoke to, said “she feels so disconnected, because the husband is not there. She said, she felt like I was almost like a maid, doing everything but when I have to talk to my husband about my emotional needs, I do not have him”. Few others, had a similar response, and some of them did not even what I was talking about, because they have been living in a world which has made them believe that this is what it is! These are how relationships are !

I mean, how sad is that !

These Baniya’s newer generation have been lately adapting to fast changing lifestyle and are sent abroad and etc etc etc – but I recently heard a Baniya talking about “his own value – and he meant monetarily 😐 (and trust me this is very common; they have been injected that how valuable they are and what they might be worth) because he has lived abroad – studied abroad and all that crap. He was making comments about how his value has gone down because he was refused his settlement in that abroad country !

Rather than him talking about how he actually feels, his hard work, his 11 years stay in the abroad country without family and many other aspects he would be struggling with. he chose to speak about his value because he would have to get married sooner or later and that is a potential loss of his own value !!!

Something more got killed inside me that day. I had nothing to reply and there are very rare times, I struggle to communicate with people. But this was one of the occasions and I felt sad, angry and wanted to disappear if I had a magic wand.

If this is our generations mentality (at the least) – Baniya or no Baniya; then no matter how much we talk about globalisation – how much we talk about India doing this and that; all seems crazy to me. We really need to start looking inside ourselves and bring the actual change –  because you know what – we have some serious grass root problems to be fixed!

They want to have the classiest/glitziest wedding even though they are known to be very stingy in nature. Well – it has to be a lavish affair other wise what will people say!

Another of a sad example, I came across where mother in law was bribing the daughter in law with a huge diamond necklace if she conceives a child.

The 2 sons in the Baniya family – one son wanted the brother to come back because, So they could have more share in the grand fathers property and not let it go to their parents!

They might live together to show the world they are one ! But They are secretly praying for the older generation to actually pass away! The father was doing that for the grand father and now their own son thinks the same for the father ! And you know what their sons would be the same because no matter because they pass this in generations and only 1 of the generation has to take a stand and bring the change! but again who would do that! Most don’t have the balls!

So to all the Baniyas – no offence to you and even if I did then maybe you need to look deeper and deeper within yourself!

I realised that many parents are taking away their children’s identity and then the children, when they get married – the male (generally) does the same with their wife and the children and it repeats!

It’s like a rave – “eat – sleep – rave – repeat”. Its contagious and infectious!

Break the cycle – Be Bold, learn, evolve and grow!

“MO” British informal means “Moment” and “Dern” means “Secret, hidden” (obsolete)

This is the “HIDDEN MOMENT FROM AN INDIAN FAMILY” – MODERN OR “MO” “DERN” – YOU CHOOSE AND DECIDE

One thought on “Hidden Moment – Inside an Indian Family

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