Diary of a family oriented yet modern Indian woman
She fell for him because she madly loved him… atleast she believed that he loved her too.. .. ..
He was much from an abusive home – where he had seen the father verbally abusing the mother and the mother calling the father with foul names.
He was upset seeing the state of his house.
He was always criticized for being a failure.
He was told that a girl should have been born because they already had one son.
He was told he was no good.
He grew up with all this and having entered his adulthood he wanted to be away from the parents/from the people he called his own.
Away to make his own life.
Away to prove that he was not a failure.
Away so he can be at peace.
He found her, he said he loves her for her natural attitude.
He said he liked how she was bold and would talk her mind out – little did he know that she still hid a lot from the whole world.
But he said he fell for her for how she was.
She was bold
She was beautiful inside out.
But she had flaws- she was not perfect but she knew this was the best she could do.
She wanted to support him even though she herself was just 21!
She stood by him.
She motivated him.
She loved him as no one would.
Her life revolved around him.
She forgot what she wanted in life for herself apart from him.
She could do anything for him.
They stayed overseas.
They got married in haste as his parents wanted to seperate them anyhow.
Mother called the son impotent! what kind of a mother would call her own son that ! and what does that even supposed to mean?
Parents spoke a lot of bad things for the her.
Parents disowned him.
A lot was said by them ! she kept quiet and heard everything because of his love!
He was lonely.
He thought they would never do this.
They slowly started to build their life up with a lot of struggles.
The parents came back because their elder son soon after he got married did not wanted to live with these parents.
He said his parents were cruel to his wife.
He said his parents would control his life even after he was married.
He said a lit of things about their character which was shocking.
However in the world outside they were respected because they had the money. only money!
Their elder son made it clear that he would never want them to even see their faces! and he till date sticks to that … (he no2 has his own 2 sons but his own parents havent even seen them)
They came to the other younger son – who they believed was always a failure !
Parents started interfering in their life.
Whatever small or big they used to earn they were happy.
They were in Love. They cared about each other. They were ready to face the world.
The mother went to live with them for few months and created differences between them.
They were always scared that his parents would do something to seperate them.
The mother was also into black magic – the son himself told.
Things slowly started to corrode….
She could see he was changing ….
He would ask her to dress in a different way ….
The mother would ask her to put make up on …
Mother would ask her to change her earings…
She used to cry silently.
She started feeling she could not be even herself.
She would cook for him and just behave as a puppet.
But she loved him and slowly her mind started accepting all this….
Things changed a little more where he would shout at her for her speaking to her own mother because she should be sitting with the father in law as it was coffee time !
She was only speaking to her mother this morning as she passed her MBA with merit and she wanted to tell her parents.
Everytime they would visit home she would have to mostly stay at his house with the in laws- and she did.
She would get up every morning to have coffee with her father in law. Only 1 day she was late as she was speaking to her mother….
On the contrary he would always sleep because he was on a holiday. …
She cried more and did not know what to do.
She could not tell many people as she knew she chose him for herself.
She was guilty.
She knew people would call her bad.
She suffered in silence.
She had no soul left. She was just a puppet and would do things to make everyone happy.
She wanted to leave him but she could not so she stayed and stayed; moved on in life and would leave things.
She got into terms with how her life will be – even though she never wanted this.
She wanted a family – he did not want that. Few years passed but he would never agree.
She would work – cook and try things to make him successful.
Had a lot of ups and downs in between…
They did not have a car and he would get tired so her mother gifted them their first car…
They bought a first house with the help of her parents…. She pushed it through even when he was not ready as she wanted him to feel settled.
Her parents were there when no one was.. They stood by her as much as they could.
She asked her parents to help them… and they did…
She thought everything was fine apart from the feeling of emptiness.
She was with him but she was lonely…
She thought she was crazy to feel that.. …
She believed everything was normal….
This is how a relationship should be….
She stayed silent and carried on
This happened from 2006 till 2016…
She will write more; maybe small episodes as a diary….
She is finding a way to write and get over her feelings ..