Why do we have to always agree to disagree or disagree to agree? Can we just not respect each other’ s opinion?

Why is that when you are in a relationship that you have to always like what the other person likes?

Yes i do believe that it is good to have some common interests and things to do, specially in your marriage; however you could both have different opinions and perceptions – and having this does not make you a bad couple; rather it is actually a sign of a healthy relationship!

Because that means you give each other space and also respect.

I would like to say south asians but I would stick to just indians.

A lot of indian couples like to have everything same – to an extent even to what they think and believe.

I used to be the same.

I was also that girl now a woman who believed what your husband thinks and believes in is what you believe in!

As if my mind was in control of his and if its in my hand that i cannot think like him !

Probably cultural thing as i was born in the 80’s. We saw our older generation practicing and staying more at home. Also hear and observe that man was everything !I come from a patriarchal society. And even though we talk about gender equality and all that – we never talk about this ?

Something basic but it still happens in households and our society.

You would rather say that generation of this age was still more modern and would not agree with what i say ;however that’s not true and there are many people around me who struggle with the same.

Forget about just your partner/husband – even many people whom you meet they want to take over your thoughts, they dont like when you say below:

“you could be right, however I respectfully do not agree”

Mind you they get offended! Not because i said this ; but probably because they could not take this as everyone likes to say yes yes to stay in the good books. But what for ?

I was different, But I always shyed away to speak my opinion as i was always scared to be disowned by the society.

I was not allowed. And I always lived until recently like this.

Even now the opinions or my thoughts i would want to share,i feel scared. A lot of this has to do with my husband because i don’t know with what opinion of mine he would kick off, hence you can even see the blog name as “secret writer”.

I would have loved to write with my own name on it because this is me!

But I am not allowed as i will be outcasted, shamed ; disowned, mocked about and much much more.

And not only me — they would shame my family, outcaste them and even boycott them!

I sometimes wonder just because a man is a man he is allowed to have his own opinions and thoughts and just because i was born a girl I cannot.

I mean just think about it how unfair is that!

I do not really have the authority to think and speak my own mind!

So few months back I was expressing my view point about the Indian government and how human rights are being infringed.

I was given a very sarcastic look as this individual was a pro goverment!

I have no problem with his thoughts and opinions but why does he have with mine.

Rather I respect his thoughts and wanted to know more to understand – i wanted to know ,to learn to grow but we could not talk for very long and i just shut myself up because this discussion would have turned into an argument.

You could say its half full and i could say its half empty. You could not like coke but like pepsi! So what !

Its sad but true that we always have to win in every situation.

We in 21st century still are scared of talking or forming our own opinions.

Have a look at this below article which is just from 2018. I am not highlighting the rape statistics here but one of the lines which says “are women safe and free?”

We Will feel/be safe when we are free.

We Will feel/be free when we are safe.

Read the above lines again !

The article sums up quite well the situation.

” Indian woman are in a constant state of vigilance, like a country ot terrorist alert.”

Many Indian woman who live overseas are very much in a similar situation. Unless they stop being around asians and dont make friends with them,change their culture and even who they hang out with ;but its difficult, i want to have asian friends around me, i want to be comfortable around my own people, i want to be feel free and have my opinions.

I do not think so i have ever lived!

There was a time last year when during my therapy session, i said to her ” i only now feel alive” ” i feel i am just born and trying to learn how to live”

I was learning to unlearn all the drums which were drilled down me; but them i lost the courage to by myself….

But i wish:

I want to be able to breathe freely …

I want to feel everything….

I want to laugh without being judged..

I want to cry when i want to….

I want to feel how it feels to be living…

I want to do crazy things…

I want to rest … …

I want to learn … ..

I want to grow ….

I want to be able to Love freely …. ..

I want to be able to Let go…..

I want to live …..

I want to write what i want to – no fancy words – no jargons ; just what i want and what i come across.

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