Day 3 – Flashback

She woke up ok today but how long will this go she wondered.

As usual the first thing she did was go on his number. And starred at it for few minutes. Was still distant to her. She has purposely deleted the name, as it affects her mind.

During her lunch – she all of a sudden went into a flashback and saw the times which were ok with him. She scrolled through her phone and realised how she had been coping up and was the only person holding on to this relationship.

She got stuck as to what if he considered her equal and how they could be happy. She had to be snapped out by a colleague. Tears were just there on the eyelashes but none fell.

She felt anxious but snapped her self out.

She went for excersise after a few days. She realised how much of her strength and stamina is lost.

It was a struggle to go through the session but her instructor is good and adjusted accordingly.

She was just happy she made it there..

She went on his number again and feel lost today. But she is holding on.

She thinks about him almost every minute or with each breath she takes. She just hopes he is fine and happy where ever he is.

She is holding on or letting go. Still doesn’t know. Every thing seems foggy even though everything was clear.

She thinks what if he comes back like last time, what will she do ? Will she cry and hug him or will she walk past as a stranger?

The latter will kill her but will she have the strength to do it.

Only time will tell.. ..

Staring walls – a phase of depression which we rarely talk about

Whatever phase of depression – Just Be There ..

Although we talk about depression and mental health less anyway but when we do talk about depression, people who understand it are there for you.

But they are there when it hurts very much and when they see us crying or sobbing.

Everyone asks when one breaks down and have suggestions or are there to just be there.

When you are numbing yourself with alcohol or using drugs,some will say its wrong and others and just be there to let you pass the phase.

When you cry hysterically they will be there.

But no one is there when you just go quiet.

No would be there to talk about when you just sit on your bed and stare at a wall constantly, trying to fill that hole which you have inside you.

No one would be there, when you don’t want to do things you like to do usually,

No one would be there when you see yourself in the mirror and you think who is this person,

No one would be there when you stop enjoying your own music and you ask yourself what is wrong with me,

No one would be there when you ask yourself when would you smile again,

No one would be there to answer when you ask yourself, why i cannot get better,

Just no one .. So you sit and stare a wall and just eagerly wait for the day to end.

And the person who is in this phase feels horrible, empty, lonely, scared, abandoned and guilty at the same time that another day has passed. But then days and weeks pass by and the person feels they are stuck in a cycle.

And the loop gets bigger and bigger, days become weeks and weeks turns into months.

Sometimes I feel this is a never ending cycle and nothing would ever work.

So I sit and stare at a wall and refuse to recognise myself in the mirror.

But while writing this I do hold just a hope and pray that just one day – and just one day – i recognise the one I see in the mirror.

Just be there with the person if someone you know has gone quiet. Just be there because they need you.

Just a simple message from your very busy schedule would make them feel a little alive.

So next time you know someone who is going thru shit and have gone quiet – Just Be There