A caterpillar lives in the darkness but soon becomes a beautiful butterfly …….
It’s almost been 1 year, I have been seeing a therapist. My therapist is a qualified clinical hypnotherapist and have done a higher level in an advanced diploma in relational centred counselling.
Just to let people know – relational counsellors are trained to work at emotional depth. This therapist is also a qualified mindfulness practitioner.
My Therapist believes that “coming to know oneself and understanding why we suffer leads to genuine change , improved health, and helps individual live a more natural and authentic life”.
It is the therapist’s belief that “it is through counselling – we discover that we heal through relating. This is because the wounds that occurred in relationships must be healed in a relationship, a relationship where the therapist don’t talk at us, but with us. For what was unbearable when alone, becomes bearable when shared.” (I am sorry for many obvious reasons – I am unable to share identity openly because I write anonymously,but if anyone really needs to connect please drop a message)
Anyway, I survived 1 year and it’s still on going.
I wouldn’t lie, it wasn’t easy when I started, i did not know what much to expect or how I would take it. Not only it was difficult and challenging when I started, time and again I find it challenging – but I did not give up – a lot of credit does go to my therapist.
I found my self searching “boundries” as my therapist used that many times in my sessions – I did get them what boundries mean but never went deep to understand what it is. I finally got to know a bit about “boundries” – emotional physical spiritual and others.
Be Patient and determined …
I know it’s very difficult and I have been there – I have been in a locked up room where i did not even get up to get some water for myself .
A dark tunnel where i would never ever want to be!
A place where even while writing now – I feel sensations in my arms. I feel weak!
Slowly I am working on myself – like a caterpillar is in the darkness but when comes out its a beautiful butterfly !
As they all say therapy/ counselling is a slow process and sure it is !!!
Many people get disheartened if they do not feel anything positive after just a few sessions – or many people say “oh I will just take 4 or 5 sessions,that should be enough”.
You cannot decide – you don’t know!
Some of you might feel that it is rather more emotionally draining than doing any good.
Remember it is a process – I believe that anyone who decides to take the first step ; which is going to see a therapist/counsellor should remember/acknowledge the above.
Because quitting just after a few sessions, as you feel its draining – would put you in a position that you stop believing in it.
If you feel like this –
When I felt like quitting,
When I was emotionally feeling drained,
Any other feelings- even for the matter I sometimes shared with my therapist – “before coming today I was thiking what I am going to talk today!”
Any of the feeling you feel – I would say please share with your therapist.
It would help you overcome your fears/thoughts and help you overcome this phase.
I found the above working for myself.
I believe what we bring on the table – it is also easier for our therapist to work and help us.
I remember counselling is more like an “onion” – which basically mean – it works in layers.
So see yourself as an onion – your top layer might just be a lot of superficial stuff which you have developed to survive in the society, your day to day problems – in short it might just be associated with a lot of daily stuff because sometimes you don’t even know where to start!!
During this process , you might even find yourself asking – ” why am I seeing a therapist to talk about my daily life ” – but trust me just hang in there!
Slowly this layer would be removed.
When you share how you feel with your therapist – it helps them understand the situation better.
Slowly the professional therapist would be able to work their way thru, by slowly challenging you and creating the sense of peace , non – judgemental attitude,so you feel safe.
A good therapist would be able to work alongside your emotions by asking how you are feeling or where do you feel in your body? Asking you to “ground” yourself and much other techniques.
In my case there had been signs of trauma returning what I felt – and my therapist was able to identify that. She used to stop the session ,ask me to ground my self and make me feel comfortable until I am ready to start again!
It is very important for you to feel comfortable, not being judged and even safe. You should feel you are being understood with empathy but yet challenge because if you aren’t being challenged – there would be no progress as such.
When you have developed that trust with your therapist – remember you have a role here to play as well – as mentioned before you need to bring things on the table – you are seeing a therapist for a reason and if you don’t bring stuff what you struggle with ,it would be difficult for your therapist to work.
Slowly during this process you will soon enter just the middle of the onion – maybe the heart of the actual issues – your own demons – and whatever you are seeing the therapist for .
I am unable to describe much about this stage,because it is only very recently I feel that I am just reaching the heart of things – the heart of my own issues /my demons and why I react in certain way.
I don’t know where i heard it but I heard it – they say – DON’T BE THE EMOTIONS – BE THE AWARENESS BEHIND THEM !
My therapist used to ask me a lot – when I used to talk about something upsetting – used to ask me to identify what I am feeling in my body or where i was feeling it and how I was feeling it – NOW I KNOW WHY.
When we know and are more aware what is causing a particular emotion – we are able to identify and work on that.
I would soon update how my next few sessions go and what/how I feel.
Will try and also blog – maybe how I ended seeing a therapist over the next few blogs!